🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?